long time no see

I went to NYC yesterday with my mom for a music thing... You'll read a bit about that below... but here are some photos for those just come to look at the photos.

hey everyone. sorry its taken me so long to write here. i was so busy and then when i tried to write it just wasn't happening.

by the way... if you can imagine this... i'm typing with only my right hand due to the fact that my left is holding a warm towel up to my right eye. i have a sty unfortunately.

Ah, both hands! Back to business then. So far my plan to lose weight is failing drastically. While the site that I actually use is fantastic and does work... every time I lose a significant amount of weight... I have to go back on steroids. You know what steroids do? They make you eat like a Pregnant Woman! Not only do u crave strange foods and strange food combinations, you also have these cravings at alllll houuuuuurrrrrsssss. Needless to say I lost 8 lbs (YAY) and then gained it back (boooo). So I am about to start on my endeaver yet again. starting today. WISH ME LUCK!!

Yesterday, while I was sitting in the hospital, I wrote a blog that I figured I would put on here for all of you to read... enjoy.

The automatic stapler in this waiting room is everything

it shouldn't be in a waiting room... Loud and Startling.

Like the people in the waiting room have a need to jump

out of their seats every time the receptionist needs to staple

a few papers together. Currently, I'm reading Eat Pray Love

by Elizabeth Gilbert. So far, I've been quite happy with it.

Though, that may not mean much considering I've only

read the introduction. She starts out by explaining where

the idea for the Catholic Rosary came from, the Hindus.

How joyfully and sadly ironic that is. Joyful that it is just

further proof that we are all connected one way or another

in our faiths. Sad, that it is still the cause of war in most

countries. Maybe they should this book too then =P.

Wow. That automatic stapler is way too scary for

any office, especially a medical waiting room.

So, I'm currently with my mom at ***** in the city.

There are so many voices going through my ears right

not. So many different conversations its hard to

concentrate on just one. 2 guys in front of me look

like the love children of Daughtry and Korn. Their music

is probably bangin' though, so I'm gonna let it slide. (Low

and behold, their song was loved by all.) 1 guy wearing glasses

and a red white and blue flannel looks like a dad who wouldn't

know modern music if it hit him in the face. Those are usually

the best though. (This guys ended up being a manager.) The

ones that don't look the part are usually amazing at the part.

Smiles

My wonderful, beautiful, simple-minded (and I mean that is the best way) sister really made my day just now. We usually don't talk much when we are both home. We just kind of go about our business with silent passings, but today was differently. Since I've been home from school I've been picking her up from work so that my mom can her work done. The chats are usually superficial, but still shared thoughts none-the-less. I think she could tell I've been a bit stressed lately because as I was walking to my room with entire pint of Turkey Hill chocolate chip cookie dough, she told me I looked really nice today and that she liked my shirt. Now, normally I would go about my business and say thank you, but it really struck a cord with me. I'm currently wearing dark wash straight leg jeans with a plain jane faded brown racer back tank top... nothing special if you catch my drift. I think you might remember before that I've said my sister is mentally challenged and her mind set is along the lines of a 12 year old when it comes to socializing. She says what's on her mind... even if she shouldn't... but she also takes cues from the rest of us. If she sees me notice that my mom is having a bad day she will also notice that I compliment her and tell her she looks pretty today. It almost made me want to cry and give her a huge hug when she gave me that compliment. I truly love her.

From the wise words of The Wedding Date, "You're my half sister, but I whole you."

Bad Weather Love

Is it bad that I love bad weather? I love it because it is what it is and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. what you can change is how it effects you. If you just don't care and wanna give up you can go outside in whatever your wearing. OR you can put on your rain boots, your umbrella, and your rain jacket and go out and enjoy the rain!

Thats my advice for the day, enjoy =)

such a beautiful day

I finally got some color!... I'm Irish, so needless the say I have the same tan as casper. I love summer... Though I'm not so happy with my friends right now. Yesterday, I was under the assumption they were having guys night. It wasn't guys night... it was just the 3 of them! Red, Bear, and The Over Thinker.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like leaving people out of my plans. Not to mention... Bear told me it was guys night... nothing personal.. Now it is personal. I can't remember the last time I wasn't invited some where... I believe it was high school actually.

ugh, idk. i just don't know.

weekend expectations

Finally! The group is finally home. The last member of the guys just got back home today all the way from Colorado. My Bear is back lol, yes that's what i call him lol.

My best friend, red, has a girlfriend and they've been going out for quite sometime now... so I'm going to have lunch with her soon and catch up. Probably end up crashing bear's sausage-fest, I can't imagine they'll mind all that much lol. It's going to be so weird while everyone is FINALLY home all together for the summer and I'll be in New York City. I just have to tell Bear's dad where I'll be and he'll make sure he calls me lol. They are always in the city at P.J. Clark's, so yeaaah.

I have to finish cleaning before I head out, but I'll be back tonight for a check-in.

Enjoy!

my deep thoughts

Topics on my mind today:

1. faith and religion

2. weddings

3. my family

Let's start with number 1. So not too long ago, a very good friend of mine and I had a heated debate over faith and religion. Yet, it ended up being a huge misunderstanding. He thought I sent him out of my room (that's right, i kicked him out) because he was Agnostic and I am a Christian. False. I sent him out of my room because he completely shut down my beliefs and said I was wrong. To be honest, as a realist... there is a chance of none of the Bible being real and God not existing. I do love science and everything it stands for. As a Christian and personally someone who has been spared from Death (personally I think it's a miracle sometimes that I'm alive), I firmly believe in God. I also read the Bible and wear a cross around my neck. Never (and I mean NEVER) have I shut down someone's beliefs. I have a lot of friends that believe in a lot of different things. I don't think anyone should be one particular faith, it's just important that you have faith. If everyone believed in the same thing the world wouldn't have such great diversity. I understand being faithful and fighting for your beliefs, like I said earlier.. if anyone tries to put them down I will fight you. What I had to get him to understand was that my mind was open and I was listening, but that didn't mean it would change what I believe in. He didn't believe me when I told him I was an Atheist for quite sometime. Or Agnostic... To be honest I didn't believe that there was anything that could make my life so miserable.. but he brought me back. The cross I wear isn't just a symbol of my faith... but a reminder. That sacrifices need to be made in life for good things to happen. I can't wait for my tattoo.

2. Weddings. No, I'm not ready to get married. I'll give it 2 years at the least, but it can even be longer than that lol. I don't know if it's marriage season or what, but everywhere I go there is something that has to do with weddings!! Like, what the hell is up with that?? First, Say Yes to the Dress was on for the like, I don't know... 3 hours. Then, I'm cleaning my room and I find a bridal magazine I had from a WHILE ago when one of my best friends and I decided to look at dresses for the fun of it cause we were both recovering from breakups. It gave us hope that there was still someone out there. Between you and me, I think I just might have found that person... but don't tell him. I don't want to freak him out lol.

I don't understand why that freaks guys out anyway. To be honest, I think they think about it just as much as us! But of course, they will never admit that... because they are men... and thinking about marriage would be waaay too feminine lol

Right... back on track. So then tonight I'm flipping through the channels and what's on but 27 Dresses!! Of course it is lol. Needless to say, whether I wanted to not... I've been thinking about marriage almost nonstop for about a week. This needs to end. Now. I'm too young to be thinking about this... though I will divulge this. I'm excited to get married... and I hope that it is to the person I have in mind. :)

3. My parents had a large fight today in the afternoon. This is what I come home from college to. They do a pretty good job of not arguing in front of my sister. Sh'es mentally challenged and emotionally disturbed... so yeah, not arguing in front of her is a good thing. I do love how my parents see fighting as just a way of life though. They are fine after about an hour and then they go back to being a normal couple. I can tell they still love each other... which is a great thing to see. There is a point in time when I was in high school when the family was definitely splitting up. I didn't know where we were gonna live or if I would have to change schools... but my parents figured it out. I think because they made it so that divorce wasn't an option. My sister is actually my half sister. We share my father, but have different mom's. Not going to lie, my mom was and still is more a mother to her than her real mom ever will be... but I'll leave that for another date. So these thoughts about my family came into my mind when I was sitting with my dad watching Modern Marvels on the History channel... and meandering around the streets of Russel, New Zealand on Google Maps. It seems to be his new place of fascination. I could tell it meant a lot to him for me to sit with him, considering I'm never home anymore... and when I am... I don't spend a lot of time with my family. I feel bad... but I also feel it's for the best. I know when I was home for an entire semester (due to my awesome illness) my mom and I fought constantly. That's because we were always together, but when I'm away, we are the best of friends. No joke! I tell her everything. People tell me their secrets all the time... not going to lie I am a very trustworthy person, but when they tell me something I'm not going to go around the school and spread the news! So what do I do? I tell my mom lol. I know she'll keep my secret and she has no judgments. I truly love her. I guess what I'm trying to say is.... Family, I love and adore you and even if I don't always show it, I truly cherish you.

Well, that's all I got for now. I need to Skype with the boy before he goes to bed. Goodnight all.

past times

Is it bad that I love looking at the past and wondering what would have happened if people didn't screw up?

I makes me feel better about my present and future.

at least i get a day

the boy came and saw me last night after he got home from school. Today is our one year anniversary. let me tell you how funny that is, because I never thought it would happen. the last time i dated someone longer than a year it was freshman and sophomore year of high school.

that same person is no longer talking to me.. who knows why. i'll let him come to me. gotta love ex's right?

but anyway... the boy took me out to breakfast this morning. the greatest thing happened though!

as i've told you numerous times i live in a very small farm town. we don't even have a main street... for that you have to go a town over. still quaint and quiet though, which is always nice. so we get there and these 3 old Italian men (which is not surprising for my town) were sitting at a table. all was fine till the one guy started raising his voice. it seemed to be over some business. words were thrown around... such as asshole, stupid, and idiot. (i know, real sophisticated stuff). one guy got so mad and just walked out... he was pacing back and forth... took off his sweatshirt because i know when i take off my sweatshirt... that means i'm real mad. it reminded me of the animal kingdom... lion starts pacing back and forth staring at his prey... too bad lions don't wear sweatshirts.

I felt so bad for one sane man in the group who had to be in the middle of it. ironically he was the most level headed and was a United States Marine. he tried to pay the check real quick when the woman at the counter pointed out that the other 2 men (the one with Italian-jersey accents) were about to get in a fight. and they almost did. Yet, by the time me and the boy left, the "lion" of the pack was already on his phone, still pacing, must have calmed down a bit... because he managed to put his sweatshirt back on. =P

good times. good times.

Happy Mother's Day!

It's been, what I'd like to think as, a successful weekend.

1. I'm not in the hospital.

2. I got to see my friends from home.

3. I got to see Iron man,

and 4. I started reading Thor again because I realized I had forgotten a lot of information about him.

I feel bad, cause I also realized last night that I had all of my ex-boyfriend's Thor comics.

Mmm, good times.

So i believe that's what I'll be doing today before the Mother's Day Festivities. I would say I'd be hanging out with my mom, but I know she wants nothing more than her write her music. Yeah, she writes music. She's pretty cool if you ask me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom...

I hope she likes my montage.

Iron Man!!

Going to see Iron Man 2 tonight. Pretty damn excited not gonna lie. I think I'm just excited to have my friends back home.. even if its only for a month.

long day

i think being cooped up in my house for 4 days straight has got me a little crazy. not gonna lie. i need to get out of my house. and i feel bad for flipping out on the boyfriend, but hey what can you do. so i suppose this is an apology.

what was great, was that we didn't fight.. we just talked it out over Skype.. good times =)

I love him. and anywhere... that isn't my house. I should go outside tomorrow.

yeah, good idea Meila.

an OK day

my day kind of went with the weather today. it started out good. i was feeling a lot better than yesterday, but still under the weather. i got to see an old friend of mine from camp.

for those who don't know, i was (and still very much am) a camp kid lol. I went to the same camp for 10 years. I started out as a camper, then a C.I.T., then junior counselor, then senior counselor, and finally I became a unit leader. Best years of my life =)

so my friend came over and we got to catch up. which was great because I hadn't seen her since the summer.. so a little under a year.

after she left though, i started getting sad. probably when i realized i wasn't going to see the boyfriend. i misunderstood something that he said a few days ago. we were supposed to meet in Delaware at my school for graduation. but, when i told him i wasn't going anymore because i was sick, i thought he said he would come and see me, cause he was gonna drive 3 hours anyway. but that's not what he meant. and it really got me down, especially cause he told me to get over it. and maybe i do, but sorry that i feel like shit and i was about 1 day from going back into the hospital.

it's easy for someone like me to put up a front and pretend that i'm strong enough to handle it, but let's have an honest moment right now. i was scared.. scared shitless. being back in that hospital is never a good thing. i can't walk for a number of days. i can't eat... i have to use a freaking bucket to go to the bathroom in cause i can't walk... but thanks to my gymnastics skills have learned to maneuver myself to get to the bucket on stilts using only my arms. if i ever wind up in a wheel chair without the use of my legs i know i'll be ok. but even when i go to get my monthly blood tests i cringe and have flashbacks of the hospital... its a really terrible feeling.

a friend of mine yesterday told me that he prayed everyday for me, that i wouldn't end up in the hospital. and i'm glad he did. because that and the mix of a ridiculous amount of steroids being pumped into my body definitely help to keep me out. because i don't want to go back.. i don't know if i could do it again.

feeling him hug me 5 minutes would be enough. i hate that i've fallen so hard for someone. because i hate being vulnerable. and until now i never had a problem telling him exactly how i feel... maybe i do just need to get over it, because if i stay with him i'm going to have to get used to the army life. sweet.

i think i need a nap.

mmm, still sick

Here's some picture for you. I haven't been able to go outside since I'm sick, but I took plenty of pictures the other day that I can still post new ones. Enjoy!

still sick, but I'm making sure i'm eating. I had to cancel my trip to school this weekend to watch one of my sisters graduate. I was pretty bummed about that. Oh well.

But some good news! I started my diet and exercise plan with this website called sparkpeople.com. I have it on the internet as well as my BlackBerry. YAY! It gives you meals to eat and exercises to do everyday. It's customized to your weight, lifestyle, sex, and goal. I've already lost 2 pounds and I just started yesterday. My goal isn't even to lose weight but to be healthier. I suppose I didn't realize how un-healthy I was eating until I saw how one day of healthy eating can impact your body. Hopefully this puts me on the track to being healthy as a whole.

Sick

Sorry guys, I won't have much of a blog today. I'm pretty under the weather today, but they just started me on some medical steroids... not to be confused with the muscle building kind lol. Hope y'all are having a good day.

Meila

innocence

this seems to be something i'm missing right now. personally, i think it is purely something great. if you are innocent, you are oblivious. i used to make fun of a friend of mine for being so innocent she didn't know what a BJ was. I envy that now. because when she found out the "wonders of the world" she turned into a different person. she did things she regretted.

i saw a picture of myself from sophomore year of high school with my boyfriend at the time. things were so simple then.. i thought life was perfect and it would never change. yet, when i look at that picture now it brings on a whole new feeling. the person who took that picture ended up fooling around with that guy in the picture not too long after that. now, i'm not still mad about it. quite the contrary. I'm a junior in college and have obviously move on from high school drama, but the innocence of that is in itself envious.

think about how happy people are when they don't know about the bad things going on their lives. then think about how they are after. they are never quite the same.

i've never quite been the same either after a lot of changes in my life, but i have grown. and I thank God that I haven't lost my ability to trust people. so i'll keep my head up and smile at that feeling from my past =)

storm today

so earlier today there was a big storm. came on quick... the winds were ridiculous. and this is what it did to our back yard... good part? i got some nice sky shots from it =)

26 days!

ONLY 26 DAYS UNTIL I MOVE TO NYC!!

boy am i excited.

well anyway, the over thinker is into Parkour ... if you don't know what this go on youtube and check it out... words don't really do it justice.

since he's gonna be home for the summer we decided to go out and look for good places around our town that he could practice... here are just a few photos... i'm working on the rest =)

ENJOY!

once again, my little town had some amazing sights. not to mention i got some great pictures of the over thinker. but here are some pictures until i get back.... i have to go to the doctors.. looks like i'm getting sick.. i better not end up in the hospital again or i'm gonna be pissed.

this is for the boyfriend... you know you want to =)

I cannot wait for the over thinker to get here =). he got home last night, as did i, and he wants to look for places to practice his parkour. its pretty cool actually, and if u dont know what it is, look it up, it's flippin' sweet. and while we're on this i think its the perfect time to go around and take pictures.

be excited. i am.

I started interning for my parents today, doing marketing... and it hit me like a ton of bricks when i was soo tired. my mom even looked at me after lunch and told me i look pale. i supposed i should be used to this by now. my mom keeps the hope that one day this will all just go away. I only see that happening one of two ways. 1. they figure out what the hell is going on and get me on some medication that actually works... or 2. which i wont be saying on the world wide web but i'm sure you can figure it out. and no, i wont be doing it myself thank you very much.

on another note, i have all these views of my blog and no followers, hmm. too bad. maybe one day lol.

maybe i should take a nap, this post is very crabby =P.

Animation Domination

This is gonna be the quick explanation of my Saturday... mostly cause i feel i have more important things to say, but we'll see.

So, the Boy took me back to his school and we decided to tailgate the races with a bunch of his friends. i must say it was awesome.

but before we went we had to go do something awesome and outrageous. So we decided to fill up his friend's pickup with water (below)

what can u do with a bed full of water you might ask?...

this... (below) this is what you do with it... and its awesome.

This weekend could not have been better. The Boy came and surprised my Friday night. Not gonna lie, didn't think he was capable of surprising me lol. It had been awhile since we spent 2 nights in a row together. I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle the distance, but it truly has brought us closer together. You learn not to take anything for granted because you don't know the next time you'll see each other.

I also feel the need to start eating alot healthier. there is nothing more self-conscious in the world than seeing other girls... am I right? I'm usually a pretty confident person... but about once a month (and no I don't think its just time, but who knows) something happens in my brain and I start to worry about myself and what might happen. Some of the greatest people I know are big, and i'm not just saying this. They are nice, caring, and damn are some of them beautiful. I know some big girls with gorgeous faces and confidence that shines, and I envy that. And I've been told not to envy anything, but if you don't envy something, you'll have no goals. so, I strive to eat healthier and feel the way I wanna feel... starting tomorrow =P.

The outcomes of my weekend were as follows:

1. a well rested me

2. sunburned shoulders

3. a flash-burn on my boyfriends right leg

4. a slight headache

5. an amazing Saturday with some pretty GD fantastic people.

p.s. - Family Guy and Simpsons were really pretty great tonight.. even the cleaveland show was on game. if you haven't seen any i highly recommend it. =) goodnight.