Quote of the Week

"Sometimes you do things that no one else understands. Sometimes not even you, but what you do know... is that it makes you feel better."

- Yours Truly

IMPORTANT

I NEED TO FIND THESE SHOES.

IF ANYONE HAS ANY INFORMATION PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW. =)

Photos of the Storm of July 7th

Yes, these were all taken by me.

Back In Action

Hi Everyone! Wow, sorry I've been away for so long. SO much has happened!

Well, as you know I was supposed to be living in NYC for 2 months, but my body seemed to have something else in mind. I was only 3 weeks in and almost done my first course with one more week to go and I.. got.. sick again. Can you believe it? I was so mad! But you can't stay mad for too long... especially when you can't move and can't do anything about it. I ended up in the hospital only for 5 days this time... thank goodness.

But I'm back home now... In Farmville. It has been nice to see all my friends again, so there's that. The boy is at training for a month and we can only talk by letters. Boo. It's been rough not waking up to a good morning text from him. I can usually deal with the distance as long as I can talk to him. I did get 2 phone calls so far though, and that made me really happy.

My big has come to visit me! She got here last night and I made burgers on the grill. 2 of my others friends came for dinner too.. then other people just stopped by. Some people have really been pissing me off though. They need people there to come by? It's not a party... there is no grand entrance. I don't know when things changed, but it must be because they are 21 now and cooler than the rest of us. Sorry my mom gave birthday to me at the wrong time. My bad.

Well, I'm off to get my sun on... I'll be checking back in more often don't worry.

FIRST DAY... exploring the city

well today was quite exciting... got up at 7... left at 7:30... got there at 8.... only to find out registration wasn't open till 10. of course it wasn't. (by the way if you couldn't tell i am too tired to use shift.)

so i wandered around for a while. around 9:30 i went back and waited. that's where i met gem. she's a really cool girl. we both had to wait for orientation.... at 3.... so we wandered around together, eventually went back to her place to watch tv, then went to lunch. unfortunately she is in the acting program. so I had to make new friends. the people are cool though. my first class was hands on camera #1. we are using a panasonic dvx 100. not gonna lie, i'm pretty excited to be going digital. it's the new future.

the subway ride was interesting. i was... SO LOST. But thankfully a kid in my class was going the same way... kind of. i got down and just missed the train and had to wait. there were these 2 girls whom i kind of wanted to hit, but eventually just blocked them out. as the one girl got off at her stop she blerted the words "it's been real!"... riiiiight. me and the girl across from me exchanged smiles which quickly turned into muffled laughter. it was nice... especially at the end of my day.

well my body is killing me... i have a bad idea i'll be sore tomorrow... so goodnight all.

All Growed Up

So I'm all packed up. The Over Thinker came over to keep me company while my mom drove me insane, but she kept her composer... cause I had company over. Proud of her a bit.

We watched Rugrats the whole time on Netflix. That was definitely the best part of my day.

I can't sleep... of course... so I'm watching Angry Beavers. I miss good TV. Let me tell you. The 90's had it right. They had it SO right.

I'll be up at 6:00 in the morning. Someone please tell me it's not so scary living in the city... Please?

Not Ready

.... I don't think I'm ready to go to NY.... I'm not much of a Yankee Fan.

Sex and the City... and a girls night to the movies

I didn't quite know how my night was going to go. Work was long and packing for New York was short lived, but once I finally sat down with my best friend, Marg (of course names have been changed, but I can only use so many descriptions) and her boyfriend, things began to slow down. We were there to celebrate her 21st birthday so her and her boyfriend shared some wine while I joyfully and willingly sipped on my water. It had been a while since I had laughed that hard at someone's story and the greatest part about it? It was mine. I've always kind of been the entertainer of the group with my wise tales, my presents of advice that are given whether anyone wants them or not, and my impressions of those who are unaware that impressions can even be made. It was good to not feel like the 3rd wheel, but the person I have to thank for that most is The Boy. When they would catch each other's eyes and give a kiss, I didn't feel awkward. I felt happy that they were just as happy as I am.

After Marg's "man friend" left, her and I went to the mall to see Sex and the City 2. (Spoiler Alert: please don't read any further if you plan on seeing the movie. By the way it was wonderful so you should.) Of course walking into the theatre was like walking in the Sea of Estrogen. There were a total 5 men there... all with women, and definitely 100+ women. The movie started out as the typical shows always do, though I love Sex and the City so I was completely fine with it, but it spiraled into questions about my life and relationships. At one point Carrie runs into her old flame in the Middle of the Middle East and she thinks that it's a sign. I don't know how it is for men, because I simply don't have a second head, but for girls there is always a little piece of them that has a special place reserved for ex's. Though sometimes I think of the old times, I am quickly brought back by remembering who I am with now and why I am so happy. There is a reason an Ex is called an Ex. Think about it.

Now I personally have a large fault. It's called Kindness and Compassion. Though my feelings for my ex's no longer exist... I still feel the need to be friends with them and help them through their troubled times. It's not that I can't let go... I already have... I just can't turn down a cry for help. I feel like it would haunt me if I at least didn't try. Yet, thinking back... that is truly how I've always been. I would always say, "If my biggest enemy (not that I have one... I don't think) asked for help, I would not turn them away."

Back to what I was saying... oh yeah... so the movie went on to the hardships of motherhood... that women are afraid to talk about, simply because it would make them less perfect, and the fact that sometimes things happen, but when you get married, you signed up for better or for worse. Maybe this is naive of me to say.... considering i'm not married.... but I can't see me or him for that matter doing anything to make us so bad that we couldn't be with each other any longer. One scene really got me close to tears because I felt like it related to me and my boyfriend on a whole other level... but Carries butler mentioned his wife and he ended up telling her that they only see each other when he can afford to get a flight to see her. The time or distance is not an issue though because when they see each other it is like they are embracing each other for the first time. I know exactly how that is.

Last night was a prime example of this. The Boy came over last night so that I could cook him dinner and he surprised with the most beautiful and unique flowers I've ever seen. He even put on a nice t-shirt for me (trust me, thats saying a lot). Before he left though, I walked him out to his car. There had been a big storm that just past and there was another on the way, so across the horizon above the tree line... we were surrounded by quiet storm clouds. Right above us the night sky had opened up into this deep navy and it was so clear you could see all the constellations the clouds would allow. Below us, and all around us, were fireflies. It was as if God had laid a blanket of sparkling stars on the Earth, just for us to see. There were no lights, but the small ones coming from my house, and the atmosphere showed on his face like I hadn't seen it for about a year. I had fallen in love all over again... and I never wanted him to leave. I felt like I was back in a summer romance, but this time it wouldn't end once September rolled around. We were both holding each other, never wanting to let go. I can't believe that with all of this time... none of these feelings have faded. Only gotten stronger with time.

As the movie ended, I wanted nothing more but to call him and I tell him I love him. With that I turned on my phone and got ready, but something happened that I never expected. A text from The Boy. Now, that in itself was expected, and maybe an "I love and miss you", but when I looked down I actually lost my footing. In all the times we've been together... he's never been the type to say anything outright, just to say yeah when I said something... or poke me when he heard something... but this was different. As I clicked on his name and scrolled down I read the words, "Soooo I was driving by houses and picturing us in them :/". I know I had done that multiple times, but never in a million times had I thought he was that serious. I know he loves me, but to love someone is one thing. To start planning your life with someone... even in your head... that truly means a lot.

I'm ending on that Note so that I can have sweet dreams. Goodnight everyone... and may love find your path.

living the fast life

Wow, I've been so busy trying to see people before I go to New York... I almost completely forgot about my blog. I've also been terribly tired lately and have no idea why. I hope I'll be able to do all that walking in the city lol. I'm SO NERVOUS that I'm gonna get lost on the subway or something lol.

I just saw a commercial for Officers in the Army... you know... goarmy.com lol. I just keep praying that no matter where they send him that he'll be ok.

I had a great talk with my high school cheerleading coach though. I told her all about The Boy and she said she has "good vibes". She also asked me if I thought he was the one, before I answered she told me she could see me married in 3 years as a young bride lol. That was strange. I had never really answered that question to anyone before. I've been asked if I love him or if I'm in love, and always said yes. But thats a whole different question. I know what I know though. =)

long time no see

I went to NYC yesterday with my mom for a music thing... You'll read a bit about that below... but here are some photos for those just come to look at the photos.

hey everyone. sorry its taken me so long to write here. i was so busy and then when i tried to write it just wasn't happening.

by the way... if you can imagine this... i'm typing with only my right hand due to the fact that my left is holding a warm towel up to my right eye. i have a sty unfortunately.

Ah, both hands! Back to business then. So far my plan to lose weight is failing drastically. While the site that I actually use is fantastic and does work... every time I lose a significant amount of weight... I have to go back on steroids. You know what steroids do? They make you eat like a Pregnant Woman! Not only do u crave strange foods and strange food combinations, you also have these cravings at alllll houuuuuurrrrrsssss. Needless to say I lost 8 lbs (YAY) and then gained it back (boooo). So I am about to start on my endeaver yet again. starting today. WISH ME LUCK!!

Yesterday, while I was sitting in the hospital, I wrote a blog that I figured I would put on here for all of you to read... enjoy.

The automatic stapler in this waiting room is everything

it shouldn't be in a waiting room... Loud and Startling.

Like the people in the waiting room have a need to jump

out of their seats every time the receptionist needs to staple

a few papers together. Currently, I'm reading Eat Pray Love

by Elizabeth Gilbert. So far, I've been quite happy with it.

Though, that may not mean much considering I've only

read the introduction. She starts out by explaining where

the idea for the Catholic Rosary came from, the Hindus.

How joyfully and sadly ironic that is. Joyful that it is just

further proof that we are all connected one way or another

in our faiths. Sad, that it is still the cause of war in most

countries. Maybe they should this book too then =P.

Wow. That automatic stapler is way too scary for

any office, especially a medical waiting room.

So, I'm currently with my mom at ***** in the city.

There are so many voices going through my ears right

not. So many different conversations its hard to

concentrate on just one. 2 guys in front of me look

like the love children of Daughtry and Korn. Their music

is probably bangin' though, so I'm gonna let it slide. (Low

and behold, their song was loved by all.) 1 guy wearing glasses

and a red white and blue flannel looks like a dad who wouldn't

know modern music if it hit him in the face. Those are usually

the best though. (This guys ended up being a manager.) The

ones that don't look the part are usually amazing at the part.

Smiles

My wonderful, beautiful, simple-minded (and I mean that is the best way) sister really made my day just now. We usually don't talk much when we are both home. We just kind of go about our business with silent passings, but today was differently. Since I've been home from school I've been picking her up from work so that my mom can her work done. The chats are usually superficial, but still shared thoughts none-the-less. I think she could tell I've been a bit stressed lately because as I was walking to my room with entire pint of Turkey Hill chocolate chip cookie dough, she told me I looked really nice today and that she liked my shirt. Now, normally I would go about my business and say thank you, but it really struck a cord with me. I'm currently wearing dark wash straight leg jeans with a plain jane faded brown racer back tank top... nothing special if you catch my drift. I think you might remember before that I've said my sister is mentally challenged and her mind set is along the lines of a 12 year old when it comes to socializing. She says what's on her mind... even if she shouldn't... but she also takes cues from the rest of us. If she sees me notice that my mom is having a bad day she will also notice that I compliment her and tell her she looks pretty today. It almost made me want to cry and give her a huge hug when she gave me that compliment. I truly love her.

From the wise words of The Wedding Date, "You're my half sister, but I whole you."

Bad Weather Love

Is it bad that I love bad weather? I love it because it is what it is and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. what you can change is how it effects you. If you just don't care and wanna give up you can go outside in whatever your wearing. OR you can put on your rain boots, your umbrella, and your rain jacket and go out and enjoy the rain!

Thats my advice for the day, enjoy =)

such a beautiful day

I finally got some color!... I'm Irish, so needless the say I have the same tan as casper. I love summer... Though I'm not so happy with my friends right now. Yesterday, I was under the assumption they were having guys night. It wasn't guys night... it was just the 3 of them! Red, Bear, and The Over Thinker.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like leaving people out of my plans. Not to mention... Bear told me it was guys night... nothing personal.. Now it is personal. I can't remember the last time I wasn't invited some where... I believe it was high school actually.

ugh, idk. i just don't know.

weekend expectations

Finally! The group is finally home. The last member of the guys just got back home today all the way from Colorado. My Bear is back lol, yes that's what i call him lol.

My best friend, red, has a girlfriend and they've been going out for quite sometime now... so I'm going to have lunch with her soon and catch up. Probably end up crashing bear's sausage-fest, I can't imagine they'll mind all that much lol. It's going to be so weird while everyone is FINALLY home all together for the summer and I'll be in New York City. I just have to tell Bear's dad where I'll be and he'll make sure he calls me lol. They are always in the city at P.J. Clark's, so yeaaah.

I have to finish cleaning before I head out, but I'll be back tonight for a check-in.

Enjoy!

my deep thoughts

Topics on my mind today:

1. faith and religion

2. weddings

3. my family

Let's start with number 1. So not too long ago, a very good friend of mine and I had a heated debate over faith and religion. Yet, it ended up being a huge misunderstanding. He thought I sent him out of my room (that's right, i kicked him out) because he was Agnostic and I am a Christian. False. I sent him out of my room because he completely shut down my beliefs and said I was wrong. To be honest, as a realist... there is a chance of none of the Bible being real and God not existing. I do love science and everything it stands for. As a Christian and personally someone who has been spared from Death (personally I think it's a miracle sometimes that I'm alive), I firmly believe in God. I also read the Bible and wear a cross around my neck. Never (and I mean NEVER) have I shut down someone's beliefs. I have a lot of friends that believe in a lot of different things. I don't think anyone should be one particular faith, it's just important that you have faith. If everyone believed in the same thing the world wouldn't have such great diversity. I understand being faithful and fighting for your beliefs, like I said earlier.. if anyone tries to put them down I will fight you. What I had to get him to understand was that my mind was open and I was listening, but that didn't mean it would change what I believe in. He didn't believe me when I told him I was an Atheist for quite sometime. Or Agnostic... To be honest I didn't believe that there was anything that could make my life so miserable.. but he brought me back. The cross I wear isn't just a symbol of my faith... but a reminder. That sacrifices need to be made in life for good things to happen. I can't wait for my tattoo.

2. Weddings. No, I'm not ready to get married. I'll give it 2 years at the least, but it can even be longer than that lol. I don't know if it's marriage season or what, but everywhere I go there is something that has to do with weddings!! Like, what the hell is up with that?? First, Say Yes to the Dress was on for the like, I don't know... 3 hours. Then, I'm cleaning my room and I find a bridal magazine I had from a WHILE ago when one of my best friends and I decided to look at dresses for the fun of it cause we were both recovering from breakups. It gave us hope that there was still someone out there. Between you and me, I think I just might have found that person... but don't tell him. I don't want to freak him out lol.

I don't understand why that freaks guys out anyway. To be honest, I think they think about it just as much as us! But of course, they will never admit that... because they are men... and thinking about marriage would be waaay too feminine lol

Right... back on track. So then tonight I'm flipping through the channels and what's on but 27 Dresses!! Of course it is lol. Needless to say, whether I wanted to not... I've been thinking about marriage almost nonstop for about a week. This needs to end. Now. I'm too young to be thinking about this... though I will divulge this. I'm excited to get married... and I hope that it is to the person I have in mind. :)

3. My parents had a large fight today in the afternoon. This is what I come home from college to. They do a pretty good job of not arguing in front of my sister. Sh'es mentally challenged and emotionally disturbed... so yeah, not arguing in front of her is a good thing. I do love how my parents see fighting as just a way of life though. They are fine after about an hour and then they go back to being a normal couple. I can tell they still love each other... which is a great thing to see. There is a point in time when I was in high school when the family was definitely splitting up. I didn't know where we were gonna live or if I would have to change schools... but my parents figured it out. I think because they made it so that divorce wasn't an option. My sister is actually my half sister. We share my father, but have different mom's. Not going to lie, my mom was and still is more a mother to her than her real mom ever will be... but I'll leave that for another date. So these thoughts about my family came into my mind when I was sitting with my dad watching Modern Marvels on the History channel... and meandering around the streets of Russel, New Zealand on Google Maps. It seems to be his new place of fascination. I could tell it meant a lot to him for me to sit with him, considering I'm never home anymore... and when I am... I don't spend a lot of time with my family. I feel bad... but I also feel it's for the best. I know when I was home for an entire semester (due to my awesome illness) my mom and I fought constantly. That's because we were always together, but when I'm away, we are the best of friends. No joke! I tell her everything. People tell me their secrets all the time... not going to lie I am a very trustworthy person, but when they tell me something I'm not going to go around the school and spread the news! So what do I do? I tell my mom lol. I know she'll keep my secret and she has no judgments. I truly love her. I guess what I'm trying to say is.... Family, I love and adore you and even if I don't always show it, I truly cherish you.

Well, that's all I got for now. I need to Skype with the boy before he goes to bed. Goodnight all.

past times

Is it bad that I love looking at the past and wondering what would have happened if people didn't screw up?

I makes me feel better about my present and future.

at least i get a day

the boy came and saw me last night after he got home from school. Today is our one year anniversary. let me tell you how funny that is, because I never thought it would happen. the last time i dated someone longer than a year it was freshman and sophomore year of high school.

that same person is no longer talking to me.. who knows why. i'll let him come to me. gotta love ex's right?

but anyway... the boy took me out to breakfast this morning. the greatest thing happened though!

as i've told you numerous times i live in a very small farm town. we don't even have a main street... for that you have to go a town over. still quaint and quiet though, which is always nice. so we get there and these 3 old Italian men (which is not surprising for my town) were sitting at a table. all was fine till the one guy started raising his voice. it seemed to be over some business. words were thrown around... such as asshole, stupid, and idiot. (i know, real sophisticated stuff). one guy got so mad and just walked out... he was pacing back and forth... took off his sweatshirt because i know when i take off my sweatshirt... that means i'm real mad. it reminded me of the animal kingdom... lion starts pacing back and forth staring at his prey... too bad lions don't wear sweatshirts.

I felt so bad for one sane man in the group who had to be in the middle of it. ironically he was the most level headed and was a United States Marine. he tried to pay the check real quick when the woman at the counter pointed out that the other 2 men (the one with Italian-jersey accents) were about to get in a fight. and they almost did. Yet, by the time me and the boy left, the "lion" of the pack was already on his phone, still pacing, must have calmed down a bit... because he managed to put his sweatshirt back on. =P

good times. good times.

Happy Mother's Day!

It's been, what I'd like to think as, a successful weekend.

1. I'm not in the hospital.

2. I got to see my friends from home.

3. I got to see Iron man,

and 4. I started reading Thor again because I realized I had forgotten a lot of information about him.

I feel bad, cause I also realized last night that I had all of my ex-boyfriend's Thor comics.

Mmm, good times.

So i believe that's what I'll be doing today before the Mother's Day Festivities. I would say I'd be hanging out with my mom, but I know she wants nothing more than her write her music. Yeah, she writes music. She's pretty cool if you ask me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom...

I hope she likes my montage.

Iron Man!!

Going to see Iron Man 2 tonight. Pretty damn excited not gonna lie. I think I'm just excited to have my friends back home.. even if its only for a month.

long day

i think being cooped up in my house for 4 days straight has got me a little crazy. not gonna lie. i need to get out of my house. and i feel bad for flipping out on the boyfriend, but hey what can you do. so i suppose this is an apology.

what was great, was that we didn't fight.. we just talked it out over Skype.. good times =)

I love him. and anywhere... that isn't my house. I should go outside tomorrow.

yeah, good idea Meila.

an OK day

my day kind of went with the weather today. it started out good. i was feeling a lot better than yesterday, but still under the weather. i got to see an old friend of mine from camp.

for those who don't know, i was (and still very much am) a camp kid lol. I went to the same camp for 10 years. I started out as a camper, then a C.I.T., then junior counselor, then senior counselor, and finally I became a unit leader. Best years of my life =)

so my friend came over and we got to catch up. which was great because I hadn't seen her since the summer.. so a little under a year.

after she left though, i started getting sad. probably when i realized i wasn't going to see the boyfriend. i misunderstood something that he said a few days ago. we were supposed to meet in Delaware at my school for graduation. but, when i told him i wasn't going anymore because i was sick, i thought he said he would come and see me, cause he was gonna drive 3 hours anyway. but that's not what he meant. and it really got me down, especially cause he told me to get over it. and maybe i do, but sorry that i feel like shit and i was about 1 day from going back into the hospital.

it's easy for someone like me to put up a front and pretend that i'm strong enough to handle it, but let's have an honest moment right now. i was scared.. scared shitless. being back in that hospital is never a good thing. i can't walk for a number of days. i can't eat... i have to use a freaking bucket to go to the bathroom in cause i can't walk... but thanks to my gymnastics skills have learned to maneuver myself to get to the bucket on stilts using only my arms. if i ever wind up in a wheel chair without the use of my legs i know i'll be ok. but even when i go to get my monthly blood tests i cringe and have flashbacks of the hospital... its a really terrible feeling.

a friend of mine yesterday told me that he prayed everyday for me, that i wouldn't end up in the hospital. and i'm glad he did. because that and the mix of a ridiculous amount of steroids being pumped into my body definitely help to keep me out. because i don't want to go back.. i don't know if i could do it again.

feeling him hug me 5 minutes would be enough. i hate that i've fallen so hard for someone. because i hate being vulnerable. and until now i never had a problem telling him exactly how i feel... maybe i do just need to get over it, because if i stay with him i'm going to have to get used to the army life. sweet.

i think i need a nap.

mmm, still sick

Here's some picture for you. I haven't been able to go outside since I'm sick, but I took plenty of pictures the other day that I can still post new ones. Enjoy!

still sick, but I'm making sure i'm eating. I had to cancel my trip to school this weekend to watch one of my sisters graduate. I was pretty bummed about that. Oh well.

But some good news! I started my diet and exercise plan with this website called sparkpeople.com. I have it on the internet as well as my BlackBerry. YAY! It gives you meals to eat and exercises to do everyday. It's customized to your weight, lifestyle, sex, and goal. I've already lost 2 pounds and I just started yesterday. My goal isn't even to lose weight but to be healthier. I suppose I didn't realize how un-healthy I was eating until I saw how one day of healthy eating can impact your body. Hopefully this puts me on the track to being healthy as a whole.

Sick

Sorry guys, I won't have much of a blog today. I'm pretty under the weather today, but they just started me on some medical steroids... not to be confused with the muscle building kind lol. Hope y'all are having a good day.

Meila

innocence

this seems to be something i'm missing right now. personally, i think it is purely something great. if you are innocent, you are oblivious. i used to make fun of a friend of mine for being so innocent she didn't know what a BJ was. I envy that now. because when she found out the "wonders of the world" she turned into a different person. she did things she regretted.

i saw a picture of myself from sophomore year of high school with my boyfriend at the time. things were so simple then.. i thought life was perfect and it would never change. yet, when i look at that picture now it brings on a whole new feeling. the person who took that picture ended up fooling around with that guy in the picture not too long after that. now, i'm not still mad about it. quite the contrary. I'm a junior in college and have obviously move on from high school drama, but the innocence of that is in itself envious.

think about how happy people are when they don't know about the bad things going on their lives. then think about how they are after. they are never quite the same.

i've never quite been the same either after a lot of changes in my life, but i have grown. and I thank God that I haven't lost my ability to trust people. so i'll keep my head up and smile at that feeling from my past =)

storm today

so earlier today there was a big storm. came on quick... the winds were ridiculous. and this is what it did to our back yard... good part? i got some nice sky shots from it =)

26 days!

ONLY 26 DAYS UNTIL I MOVE TO NYC!!

boy am i excited.

well anyway, the over thinker is into Parkour ... if you don't know what this go on youtube and check it out... words don't really do it justice.

since he's gonna be home for the summer we decided to go out and look for good places around our town that he could practice... here are just a few photos... i'm working on the rest =)

ENJOY!

once again, my little town had some amazing sights. not to mention i got some great pictures of the over thinker. but here are some pictures until i get back.... i have to go to the doctors.. looks like i'm getting sick.. i better not end up in the hospital again or i'm gonna be pissed.

this is for the boyfriend... you know you want to =)

I cannot wait for the over thinker to get here =). he got home last night, as did i, and he wants to look for places to practice his parkour. its pretty cool actually, and if u dont know what it is, look it up, it's flippin' sweet. and while we're on this i think its the perfect time to go around and take pictures.

be excited. i am.

I started interning for my parents today, doing marketing... and it hit me like a ton of bricks when i was soo tired. my mom even looked at me after lunch and told me i look pale. i supposed i should be used to this by now. my mom keeps the hope that one day this will all just go away. I only see that happening one of two ways. 1. they figure out what the hell is going on and get me on some medication that actually works... or 2. which i wont be saying on the world wide web but i'm sure you can figure it out. and no, i wont be doing it myself thank you very much.

on another note, i have all these views of my blog and no followers, hmm. too bad. maybe one day lol.

maybe i should take a nap, this post is very crabby =P.

Animation Domination

This is gonna be the quick explanation of my Saturday... mostly cause i feel i have more important things to say, but we'll see.

So, the Boy took me back to his school and we decided to tailgate the races with a bunch of his friends. i must say it was awesome.

but before we went we had to go do something awesome and outrageous. So we decided to fill up his friend's pickup with water (below)

what can u do with a bed full of water you might ask?...

this... (below) this is what you do with it... and its awesome.

This weekend could not have been better. The Boy came and surprised my Friday night. Not gonna lie, didn't think he was capable of surprising me lol. It had been awhile since we spent 2 nights in a row together. I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle the distance, but it truly has brought us closer together. You learn not to take anything for granted because you don't know the next time you'll see each other.

I also feel the need to start eating alot healthier. there is nothing more self-conscious in the world than seeing other girls... am I right? I'm usually a pretty confident person... but about once a month (and no I don't think its just time, but who knows) something happens in my brain and I start to worry about myself and what might happen. Some of the greatest people I know are big, and i'm not just saying this. They are nice, caring, and damn are some of them beautiful. I know some big girls with gorgeous faces and confidence that shines, and I envy that. And I've been told not to envy anything, but if you don't envy something, you'll have no goals. so, I strive to eat healthier and feel the way I wanna feel... starting tomorrow =P.

The outcomes of my weekend were as follows:

1. a well rested me

2. sunburned shoulders

3. a flash-burn on my boyfriends right leg

4. a slight headache

5. an amazing Saturday with some pretty GD fantastic people.

p.s. - Family Guy and Simpsons were really pretty great tonight.. even the cleaveland show was on game. if you haven't seen any i highly recommend it. =) goodnight.

growing up was great

This is where I live. Absolutely beautiful.

The Future

Today an article came up saying that since Obama's "plan of action" for the military came to be, the death rate for soldiers has doubles. This is not something that I'm going to comment on, because that's not what I want this blog to be about.

What i do what to express is my fear.

For anyone that truly knows me, they will be the first to tell you that i am great at keeping my composer in bad situations. This seems to be one i can't control.. The Boy, is in the ROTC and regardless of if he goes into the ARMY or National Guard, the fear is the same.

I tried to watch The Hurt Locker with him over my spring break and after only the first scene I made him shut it off. I'm certain it's a fantastic movie that deserved every award won, but I am a great big coward.

I'm so proud of him. And I know that no matter what happens he will be a great man. Of course he doesn't think of himself as a hero or anything. It's his job. But I've never been more scared.

I'm no stranger to death and I know it's not something he's afraid of, but I can't stop thinking about how selfish my thoughts have been lately. I would never ask him to not go, and to be honest (in a sense) I don't want him to stay. I want him to do what he has always wanted to do.

What I'm trying to say is.... I love him. I really do... and I pray everyday that he will be ok in the future and I pray everyday for the soldiers and families that are already experiencing what I will be experiencing in the future.

p.s. - I never thought i'd ever be this much of a sap... i grew up with a bunch of dudes... and most of my friends are dudes... ironic isn't it?

I don't like titles.

Care for me as well you do

Please take my heart to take with you.

You arms and eyes show me your grace.

I see the care upon your face.

Please take me in and show me how

To take your heart and treat it well.

With God above and hearts so true

I take your heart and see you through.

Though times were sad and shed were tears

With you I’ll be, I have no fear.

everything is packed up. Almost. I'm currently watching en episode of The City on MTV and it is getting me sooo excited!! My roommate, The Crazy One, wants me to go to this fabric shop called... moos? I have no idea. I'll have to look it up. But lord knows i'm gonna want to make some shirts with theta phi on them lol. but hey, we'll see =).

I love this picture because I love blending stills and movement all in one photo. Not to mention my obsession with sperry's lol.

from frustrated to feelin' fine

My day did not start out well at all. While I was freaking out and studying for my Intro to Business final I was being bombarded of thoughts about a certain girl who always needs to be in control, my public relations plan next semester for SGA, and wondering what my roommate will be like when I move to the city.

Just so you know, these thoughts didn't stop when I started taking my test. Isn't that be the best? When you have something really important to concentrate on and all you can think about is EVERYTHING ELSE... yeah, I love it too. Sometimes I think that its A.D.D. or something and then I realized... nope, I'm just a girl lol. Every girl I talk to has multiple things are their mind. Damn us for being good at multitasking. I almost wish I could think like a guy and be able to concentrate on my work like guys can concentrate on video games.

So, I wanted to post this picture as the "picture of the day". Maybe I should make that a daily theme =). This picture was taken in my home town on our main street. I love living in a small town. There are so many things you just can't experience in the big city, but I'm not doubting that it's not as amazing lol. I'm not gonna lie, I hope I can handle it.

Till later.

new font color

This goes out to The Boy... better? =P

waking up

So these are two of my Sorority sisters. I'm pretty glad they came with cause who knows what would have happened if i went on my own lol. We were driving to this one port and a very very creepy man was sitting in car on the opposite side of the road by himself. The whole place creeped me out actually. There was one spot where I had the chance to take the PERFECT picture of the moon reflecting off the ocean... and it kept coming out blurry. I checked my camera and I know I had it on the right setting, right shutter speed and everything. But it kept coming out blurry. It's really weird... that would be the top picture by the way.

And this of course is my sorority. For those who don't know those are the Greek letters, Theta Phi Alpha. and I adore them... even if my sisters wouldn't fix the theta, cause it could be better.

But I wanna say thanks to Big Red and VP for helping me out and coming with me on this trip.

P.S. - I wonder if there will ever be a day that I wake up and say to myself, "Damn! I feel freaking great!" I'm not gonna lie, it's hard not to complain about being sick and hurting all the time, but I can't stand to listen other people complain about fickle things so I suppose I can't expect them to listen to me. I have too many things to be thankful for.

photo tour

2 of my sorority sisters and I went on a photo tour of coastal Delaware. It was cut short by the fact that I got scared and bitched out. That's right. I saw an "orb" on one of my photos and freaked out... but he's come of what I took... as already edited.

I'll load some more photos tomorrow, but for now i'm going to finish skyping with The Boy and go to bed. PEACE.

Business Final

This is how I feel right now. My business final is killing me, as is my history final. Save me.

Old doodles

Sooooo, I found these on my phone and thought I'd share them with you. The only one I didn't draw was the first one. Enjoy!

This drawing I cannot take credit for. One of my best guy friends drew this, The Over Thinker. He sent it to me on my last birthday and it absolutely made my day. Still have it on my phone obviously. =)

This one was inspired by me listening to a friend of mine get bitched at by his girlfriend. She was made that the diamond heart shaped necklace he got her wasn't original enough for her. Let's be honest, guys aren't very good at gifts. And if yours is, you better know damn well how lucky you are =P. But it made me think, and I believe I actually said something to him similar to the words of "maybe you should get her a tree" and I laughed to myself. So as they fought I doodled, and this is what I came up with.

This one I drew while I was in Anatomy class. Yeah, oops. I feel bad now cause I actually had a very cool teacher. I was inspired by this kid in class listening to his iPod and trying to memorize parts of the heart. I think its just such a happy picture. In a creepy-cool sort of way.

I'll be taking a photo tour of Delaware today, so be prepared for some awesome pictures.