Smiles

My wonderful, beautiful, simple-minded (and I mean that is the best way) sister really made my day just now. We usually don't talk much when we are both home. We just kind of go about our business with silent passings, but today was differently. Since I've been home from school I've been picking her up from work so that my mom can her work done. The chats are usually superficial, but still shared thoughts none-the-less. I think she could tell I've been a bit stressed lately because as I was walking to my room with entire pint of Turkey Hill chocolate chip cookie dough, she told me I looked really nice today and that she liked my shirt. Now, normally I would go about my business and say thank you, but it really struck a cord with me. I'm currently wearing dark wash straight leg jeans with a plain jane faded brown racer back tank top... nothing special if you catch my drift. I think you might remember before that I've said my sister is mentally challenged and her mind set is along the lines of a 12 year old when it comes to socializing. She says what's on her mind... even if she shouldn't... but she also takes cues from the rest of us. If she sees me notice that my mom is having a bad day she will also notice that I compliment her and tell her she looks pretty today. It almost made me want to cry and give her a huge hug when she gave me that compliment. I truly love her.

From the wise words of The Wedding Date, "You're my half sister, but I whole you."

Bad Weather Love

Is it bad that I love bad weather? I love it because it is what it is and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. what you can change is how it effects you. If you just don't care and wanna give up you can go outside in whatever your wearing. OR you can put on your rain boots, your umbrella, and your rain jacket and go out and enjoy the rain!

Thats my advice for the day, enjoy =)

such a beautiful day

I finally got some color!... I'm Irish, so needless the say I have the same tan as casper. I love summer... Though I'm not so happy with my friends right now. Yesterday, I was under the assumption they were having guys night. It wasn't guys night... it was just the 3 of them! Red, Bear, and The Over Thinker.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like leaving people out of my plans. Not to mention... Bear told me it was guys night... nothing personal.. Now it is personal. I can't remember the last time I wasn't invited some where... I believe it was high school actually.

ugh, idk. i just don't know.

weekend expectations

Finally! The group is finally home. The last member of the guys just got back home today all the way from Colorado. My Bear is back lol, yes that's what i call him lol.

My best friend, red, has a girlfriend and they've been going out for quite sometime now... so I'm going to have lunch with her soon and catch up. Probably end up crashing bear's sausage-fest, I can't imagine they'll mind all that much lol. It's going to be so weird while everyone is FINALLY home all together for the summer and I'll be in New York City. I just have to tell Bear's dad where I'll be and he'll make sure he calls me lol. They are always in the city at P.J. Clark's, so yeaaah.

I have to finish cleaning before I head out, but I'll be back tonight for a check-in.

Enjoy!

my deep thoughts

Topics on my mind today:

1. faith and religion

2. weddings

3. my family

Let's start with number 1. So not too long ago, a very good friend of mine and I had a heated debate over faith and religion. Yet, it ended up being a huge misunderstanding. He thought I sent him out of my room (that's right, i kicked him out) because he was Agnostic and I am a Christian. False. I sent him out of my room because he completely shut down my beliefs and said I was wrong. To be honest, as a realist... there is a chance of none of the Bible being real and God not existing. I do love science and everything it stands for. As a Christian and personally someone who has been spared from Death (personally I think it's a miracle sometimes that I'm alive), I firmly believe in God. I also read the Bible and wear a cross around my neck. Never (and I mean NEVER) have I shut down someone's beliefs. I have a lot of friends that believe in a lot of different things. I don't think anyone should be one particular faith, it's just important that you have faith. If everyone believed in the same thing the world wouldn't have such great diversity. I understand being faithful and fighting for your beliefs, like I said earlier.. if anyone tries to put them down I will fight you. What I had to get him to understand was that my mind was open and I was listening, but that didn't mean it would change what I believe in. He didn't believe me when I told him I was an Atheist for quite sometime. Or Agnostic... To be honest I didn't believe that there was anything that could make my life so miserable.. but he brought me back. The cross I wear isn't just a symbol of my faith... but a reminder. That sacrifices need to be made in life for good things to happen. I can't wait for my tattoo.

2. Weddings. No, I'm not ready to get married. I'll give it 2 years at the least, but it can even be longer than that lol. I don't know if it's marriage season or what, but everywhere I go there is something that has to do with weddings!! Like, what the hell is up with that?? First, Say Yes to the Dress was on for the like, I don't know... 3 hours. Then, I'm cleaning my room and I find a bridal magazine I had from a WHILE ago when one of my best friends and I decided to look at dresses for the fun of it cause we were both recovering from breakups. It gave us hope that there was still someone out there. Between you and me, I think I just might have found that person... but don't tell him. I don't want to freak him out lol.

I don't understand why that freaks guys out anyway. To be honest, I think they think about it just as much as us! But of course, they will never admit that... because they are men... and thinking about marriage would be waaay too feminine lol

Right... back on track. So then tonight I'm flipping through the channels and what's on but 27 Dresses!! Of course it is lol. Needless to say, whether I wanted to not... I've been thinking about marriage almost nonstop for about a week. This needs to end. Now. I'm too young to be thinking about this... though I will divulge this. I'm excited to get married... and I hope that it is to the person I have in mind. :)

3. My parents had a large fight today in the afternoon. This is what I come home from college to. They do a pretty good job of not arguing in front of my sister. Sh'es mentally challenged and emotionally disturbed... so yeah, not arguing in front of her is a good thing. I do love how my parents see fighting as just a way of life though. They are fine after about an hour and then they go back to being a normal couple. I can tell they still love each other... which is a great thing to see. There is a point in time when I was in high school when the family was definitely splitting up. I didn't know where we were gonna live or if I would have to change schools... but my parents figured it out. I think because they made it so that divorce wasn't an option. My sister is actually my half sister. We share my father, but have different mom's. Not going to lie, my mom was and still is more a mother to her than her real mom ever will be... but I'll leave that for another date. So these thoughts about my family came into my mind when I was sitting with my dad watching Modern Marvels on the History channel... and meandering around the streets of Russel, New Zealand on Google Maps. It seems to be his new place of fascination. I could tell it meant a lot to him for me to sit with him, considering I'm never home anymore... and when I am... I don't spend a lot of time with my family. I feel bad... but I also feel it's for the best. I know when I was home for an entire semester (due to my awesome illness) my mom and I fought constantly. That's because we were always together, but when I'm away, we are the best of friends. No joke! I tell her everything. People tell me their secrets all the time... not going to lie I am a very trustworthy person, but when they tell me something I'm not going to go around the school and spread the news! So what do I do? I tell my mom lol. I know she'll keep my secret and she has no judgments. I truly love her. I guess what I'm trying to say is.... Family, I love and adore you and even if I don't always show it, I truly cherish you.

Well, that's all I got for now. I need to Skype with the boy before he goes to bed. Goodnight all.

past times

Is it bad that I love looking at the past and wondering what would have happened if people didn't screw up?

I makes me feel better about my present and future.

at least i get a day

the boy came and saw me last night after he got home from school. Today is our one year anniversary. let me tell you how funny that is, because I never thought it would happen. the last time i dated someone longer than a year it was freshman and sophomore year of high school.

that same person is no longer talking to me.. who knows why. i'll let him come to me. gotta love ex's right?

but anyway... the boy took me out to breakfast this morning. the greatest thing happened though!

as i've told you numerous times i live in a very small farm town. we don't even have a main street... for that you have to go a town over. still quaint and quiet though, which is always nice. so we get there and these 3 old Italian men (which is not surprising for my town) were sitting at a table. all was fine till the one guy started raising his voice. it seemed to be over some business. words were thrown around... such as asshole, stupid, and idiot. (i know, real sophisticated stuff). one guy got so mad and just walked out... he was pacing back and forth... took off his sweatshirt because i know when i take off my sweatshirt... that means i'm real mad. it reminded me of the animal kingdom... lion starts pacing back and forth staring at his prey... too bad lions don't wear sweatshirts.

I felt so bad for one sane man in the group who had to be in the middle of it. ironically he was the most level headed and was a United States Marine. he tried to pay the check real quick when the woman at the counter pointed out that the other 2 men (the one with Italian-jersey accents) were about to get in a fight. and they almost did. Yet, by the time me and the boy left, the "lion" of the pack was already on his phone, still pacing, must have calmed down a bit... because he managed to put his sweatshirt back on. =P

good times. good times.