Happy Mother's Day!

It's been, what I'd like to think as, a successful weekend.

1. I'm not in the hospital.

2. I got to see my friends from home.

3. I got to see Iron man,

and 4. I started reading Thor again because I realized I had forgotten a lot of information about him.

I feel bad, cause I also realized last night that I had all of my ex-boyfriend's Thor comics.

Mmm, good times.

So i believe that's what I'll be doing today before the Mother's Day Festivities. I would say I'd be hanging out with my mom, but I know she wants nothing more than her write her music. Yeah, she writes music. She's pretty cool if you ask me.

Happy Mother's Day Mom...

I hope she likes my montage.

Iron Man!!

Going to see Iron Man 2 tonight. Pretty damn excited not gonna lie. I think I'm just excited to have my friends back home.. even if its only for a month.

long day

i think being cooped up in my house for 4 days straight has got me a little crazy. not gonna lie. i need to get out of my house. and i feel bad for flipping out on the boyfriend, but hey what can you do. so i suppose this is an apology.

what was great, was that we didn't fight.. we just talked it out over Skype.. good times =)

I love him. and anywhere... that isn't my house. I should go outside tomorrow.

yeah, good idea Meila.

an OK day

my day kind of went with the weather today. it started out good. i was feeling a lot better than yesterday, but still under the weather. i got to see an old friend of mine from camp.

for those who don't know, i was (and still very much am) a camp kid lol. I went to the same camp for 10 years. I started out as a camper, then a C.I.T., then junior counselor, then senior counselor, and finally I became a unit leader. Best years of my life =)

so my friend came over and we got to catch up. which was great because I hadn't seen her since the summer.. so a little under a year.

after she left though, i started getting sad. probably when i realized i wasn't going to see the boyfriend. i misunderstood something that he said a few days ago. we were supposed to meet in Delaware at my school for graduation. but, when i told him i wasn't going anymore because i was sick, i thought he said he would come and see me, cause he was gonna drive 3 hours anyway. but that's not what he meant. and it really got me down, especially cause he told me to get over it. and maybe i do, but sorry that i feel like shit and i was about 1 day from going back into the hospital.

it's easy for someone like me to put up a front and pretend that i'm strong enough to handle it, but let's have an honest moment right now. i was scared.. scared shitless. being back in that hospital is never a good thing. i can't walk for a number of days. i can't eat... i have to use a freaking bucket to go to the bathroom in cause i can't walk... but thanks to my gymnastics skills have learned to maneuver myself to get to the bucket on stilts using only my arms. if i ever wind up in a wheel chair without the use of my legs i know i'll be ok. but even when i go to get my monthly blood tests i cringe and have flashbacks of the hospital... its a really terrible feeling.

a friend of mine yesterday told me that he prayed everyday for me, that i wouldn't end up in the hospital. and i'm glad he did. because that and the mix of a ridiculous amount of steroids being pumped into my body definitely help to keep me out. because i don't want to go back.. i don't know if i could do it again.

feeling him hug me 5 minutes would be enough. i hate that i've fallen so hard for someone. because i hate being vulnerable. and until now i never had a problem telling him exactly how i feel... maybe i do just need to get over it, because if i stay with him i'm going to have to get used to the army life. sweet.

i think i need a nap.

mmm, still sick

Here's some picture for you. I haven't been able to go outside since I'm sick, but I took plenty of pictures the other day that I can still post new ones. Enjoy!

still sick, but I'm making sure i'm eating. I had to cancel my trip to school this weekend to watch one of my sisters graduate. I was pretty bummed about that. Oh well.

But some good news! I started my diet and exercise plan with this website called sparkpeople.com. I have it on the internet as well as my BlackBerry. YAY! It gives you meals to eat and exercises to do everyday. It's customized to your weight, lifestyle, sex, and goal. I've already lost 2 pounds and I just started yesterday. My goal isn't even to lose weight but to be healthier. I suppose I didn't realize how un-healthy I was eating until I saw how one day of healthy eating can impact your body. Hopefully this puts me on the track to being healthy as a whole.

Sick

Sorry guys, I won't have much of a blog today. I'm pretty under the weather today, but they just started me on some medical steroids... not to be confused with the muscle building kind lol. Hope y'all are having a good day.

Meila

innocence

this seems to be something i'm missing right now. personally, i think it is purely something great. if you are innocent, you are oblivious. i used to make fun of a friend of mine for being so innocent she didn't know what a BJ was. I envy that now. because when she found out the "wonders of the world" she turned into a different person. she did things she regretted.

i saw a picture of myself from sophomore year of high school with my boyfriend at the time. things were so simple then.. i thought life was perfect and it would never change. yet, when i look at that picture now it brings on a whole new feeling. the person who took that picture ended up fooling around with that guy in the picture not too long after that. now, i'm not still mad about it. quite the contrary. I'm a junior in college and have obviously move on from high school drama, but the innocence of that is in itself envious.

think about how happy people are when they don't know about the bad things going on their lives. then think about how they are after. they are never quite the same.

i've never quite been the same either after a lot of changes in my life, but i have grown. and I thank God that I haven't lost my ability to trust people. so i'll keep my head up and smile at that feeling from my past =)